Phyllisophie

21 August 2006 @ 08:15 am

I've been thinking for a long time that this day would come.

I am a psychotherapist in private practice, and I write a blog in order to express the real me. To decompress, to let it fly, to make a space where I don't have to to take myself seriously, to fling my thoughts out onto the world and take the consequences, whatever they may be.

While that opportunity has been great for me, I have to face the fact that it may not be the best for clients who find their way to this site. The blog is a public forum, and anyone can get here by any means. When a client reads my unguarded thoughts, learns about my family, my leisure activities, my struggles with faith, they have to manage the two me's they encounter: the professional, focused only on their welfare, and the private, a regular person just like everyone else.

Please understand, I don't think my job as a therapist is to appear the expert, the authority, the pristeen oracle of all wisdom in the office. I believe in self-disclosure and empowerment as therapeutic interventions. But my job is to protect the therapeutic framework, the little box inside my office where the only important thing is my client's welfare. When that framework is compromised, the client bears the burden, often in less-than-conscious, but very disturbing ways.

So, here's my plan. In the next week or so I'll move to another platform and create a blog using an alias. Suggestions for aliases are welcome, however, I probably won't use them unless you suggest them privately.

I'll feel better once I've done due diligence to separate the professional me from the private me.

If you would like directions to the new blog, email me at phyllis.mathis@gmail.com. Tell me who you are. I'll send out a broadcast message when it's up and running. Please don't link to me by name, or give my url to anyone you know to be a client.

I'll probably take Phyllisophie offline, so if you want to save it for any reason, do so in the next couple weeks. I may post a couple more entries in case I think of something else, so stay tuned.

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14 August 2006 @ 08:23 am

Phyllis Mathis is Very Brave

It's a little spooky what can show up when you Google yourself. This Phyllis Mathis is NOT me, but hey, maybe there is a parallel dimension, and she is the me I would be if I had walked another path. Maybe she's my radical liberal alter-ego, being very, very brave. Check out the films she's promoting.

You go, Phyllis Mathis! Be brave!

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10 August 2006 @ 07:52 am

Two Days in a Row!

Just start writing, something will come.

Lots has been going on at our house these days. Finally things are settling down to our normal snail-crawling pace. Must be time to blog again. It's just hard to gather any thoughts that are worth a read.

The news continues to be bad. London's Heathrow is almost totally shut down because of a terror plot involving major flights from the UK to the US. Tanks and troops in Lebanon. Corroded, leaky oil pipeline in Alaska. High gas prices.

I haven't had a spiritual thought in weeks, it seems, but I do have to say I might be ready to attend a church from time to time, sometime soon. That's significant, right?

Meanwhile I've been reading a very good book: Caretakers of Our Common House: Women's Development in Communities of Faith.

I'd love to talk to somebody about this book. Some of it is a little dated, and it's definitely a feminist voice, but it has huge implications for the church, if ithe church would only listen. Has anyone else seen this book?

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09 August 2006 @ 08:14 am

What Condition My Condition Was In

I just stopped in (to the blog) to see what condition my condition was in...

KENNY ROGERS
Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)
(Mickey Newbury)

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

I woke up this mornin' with the sundown shinin' in
I found my mind in a brown paper bag within
I tripped on a cloud and fell-a eight miles high
I tore my mind on a jagged sky
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in
I watched myself crawlin' out as I was a-crawlin' in
I got up so tight I couldn't unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

Someone painted "April Fool" in big black letters on a "Dead End" sign
I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind
Eight miles outta Memphis and I got no spare
Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

I said I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
Yeah yeah oh-yeah

Ok, well, it's not actually that bad. (I think someone wrote this song from a bad trip) I feel pretty good, now that everyone from the wedding is gone. I just thought those lyrics were clever. If you're too young to remember the song then you're missing something.

I'm ready to be back, but no time to write today. Gotta heal people's minds, you know.

What?

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31 July 2006 @ 07:55 am

The Perfect Storm

I've severely neglected this blog lately. Lots of things are happening that make it hard for my soul to catch up. The events of last week, and into the end of this coming week, promise to comprise a kind of perfect storm for me. Several emotionally life-changing events are converging to pull my heart in many directions at once:

First, our son is married now. The wedding was beautiful and meaningful. I hope to get a copy of the vows for you to read. They were astounding in their wisdom and emotional strength. The happy couple will be moving to Texas at the end of the week. The wedding made me realize that, if you do things right as the mother of a son, he grows up and leaves you, and it's your privelege to smile and let him go. It doesn't seem the same with daughters, thank God.

Second, our friend Sue is returning to us from Lebanon, heartbroken and traumatized. Regrouping and listening for God's direction will be her work for the next few weeks. She sent a couple of links to articles that are more than worth a thorough read. Please, for her sake at least, go and read them:

Christianity Today, July 17, 2006, and Christianity Today, July 20, 2006

Third, we said goodbye this morning to members of Ted's side of the family who came for the wedding. Last night we spent several hours singing worship songs together. Gloria and her two cousins were blending their voices in the kind of harmony that can only be reached by people who share some of the same DNA. It was gorgeous. The whole weekend with them was a treasure.

Fourth, I will be spending time this week with an old friend from Minnesota, from whom I had been estranged for several years. Neither of us realized how cloudy the emotional weather was going to be during her visit.

And fifth, good friends of ours have decided to move back east in a couple of weeks. Things came together in a hurry for them, and we'll have to hurry to get our goodbyes in, this weekend somehow.

Indeed there is a storm brewing. I hope my heart can take it.

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27 July 2006 @ 07:20 am

Godliness is Slow

Here's a quote from an interview with Dr. James Houston in the Denver Seminary Magazine, on spiritual formation and integrity. Responding to a question about speeding up the process of spiritual formation, Dr. Houston says,

Well, I think the vocabulary is wrong, because it's all part of living in a technological society. And so processes, procedures, programs are all, in a sense, technical devices or technical mindsay for fixing things. So we want to fix things quickly. But the very nature of integrity is that we have a speed that is appropriate to what we are doing. The speed of gaining information is very fast, but the speed of godliness is very slow. Or the speed of making a friend is very slow in comparison with other forms. So we lose integrity when we use the wrong mindset or the wrong speed at which we're operating. My problem is that I can think faster than I can speak, I speak faster than I can act, I've got more acts than I've got character for...so maintaining integrity is acting appropriately.

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17 July 2006 @ 09:16 am

What's God Got To Do, Got To Do With It?

Our friend Sue is safe for now and waiting to see what happens from day to day. It looks like the rest of her team will be evacuating Beirut today.

It appears that most of the western world is content to let Israel do the dirty work for us in the "war on terror." No one is stopping them, not even a few thousand innocent Lebanese. I wonder how it feels to be counted among acceptable losses.

All I can say is, if they're going to take on Hezbollah, they'd better wipe the land clean of them. We don't want any leftovers.

Then we'll have, oh, say, 6 months before another group springs up, more organized and well-financed than they. That is if all-out war doesn't erupt because of Syria and Iran.

What genius is running this thing anyway?

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14 July 2006 @ 09:49 am

Pray for Peace

Some of you know our friend and housemate, Sue, who has been working in Beirut these last months. I am posting this email she sent out this morning, after speaking with her last night as she was approaching the border with Syria. Please pray for her and all of the Middle East, as Israel continues to "defend itself" by bombing the shit out of Beirut. Hopefully things will settle down soon, or I'll have to remember how to spell Armageddon.

Before I went to bed on Thursday night ships off the coast were bombing the
neighborhood where I work and where my friends live. About 3:30am, I was woken
up by the call to prayer and jets flying overhead. I don't think I can
accurately tell you the terror that you feel when you hear them and your 8
story apt building walls shake as they fly overhead, not knowing where they
will hit. My roommate came into my room at that point and said that her team
was evacuating a short-term team of college students whose parents were going
nuts. She was told to pack a bag as well and that she might not be back. I
called my team leader and he was beyond worried about me staying by myself. He
asked if I could join them so I wouldn't be alone. On 4 hours of sleep in 2
days, I made the decision to ride to the border with them through a back way.
I had 5 minutes to put things into a suitcase and we were off.

At the border, my roommate, her team, and I decided to go back to Beirut. We
felt it was too premature to evacuate ourselves and had gotten the team of
short-termers off. I called my team leader to inform him that we were coming
back. He told us the events that took place in the early morning, I could hear
the bombs as we were leaving but had no idea of how extensive the damage had
been. He actually told me that he would prefer if I would head on to Jordan. I
told him that I preferred to head back and be with them. He demanded at that
point that I leave and told me he could not handle it if I had gotten a way to
the border and not left. It was probably the hardest decision of my life but I
did as he wanted and headed to Syria. I started to cry on the phone with him,
I was unable to say goodbye to his wife and children. I didn't say goodbye to
all of our friends either. I cried for the 9 hours it took to get to Jordan. I
really don't think I have ever had my heart ripped out like that before.

So, I sit here in the lobby of a hotel and cry as I write this. I have a ton
of emotion going on and of course I am exhausted. I am not sure if I can sleep
again. I am angry for what is happening to the city and people that I love(and
that no one is coming to help us), I am worried beyond belief for my friends
and nationals who can't leave, I feel guilty for being a rich american who
can. I think that I am also traumatized with how violent the past 3 days have
been. I am in the process of contacting a team here so I can stay with
someone. I don't know what will happen, how long I will wait here. My hope is
that in a week, I can return. Please pray for my team, my friends, and that
the violence against the civilians of Lebanon(60 dead now)will end. For peace.
It will only happen with all sides knowing the truth of God.

Pray for peace.

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